6 Ways to Regain A Sense Of Power

I felt the rug had been swept from under my feet last week. Thanks to my meditation routine and its ability to help me tune into myself, I was able to identify the feeling as a sense of powerlessness. Luckily, I knew that when we feel we have “less” of something, it is probably because at one point we had “more” of it and we just lost it.

But I’m feeling the ol’ power back in me again, and as always it’s time to share! Here’s what I did to finally regain the power lost:

6. Make Peace With Powerlessness

You thought I was going to say that you should “make peace with the fact that you are all-powerful and control everything in the universe!”  Nope. Although this idea might be comforting, it isn’t true, and I think it will just make you feel more drained of your power because the belief that “you can control everything” will always clash with the reality of “no, you can’t control everything.” There are those that say you can do nothing and everything is out of your control. There are those who say that you can do everything and that everything is within your control. The truth, I have discovered, is somewhere in the middle. There is plenty out of your control, so make peace with it, and then let it go. Then refocus your attention back on what you can control: what you think, what you say, and what you do. These three things seem innocent enough, but they are extremely powerful and fortunately, they are always within your control. Oh, does the world seem to be crumbling around you?  That’s fine. Just make the assertion in your mind that all this will soon pass, say that you are grateful for what you currently have, and then take one action today to make things better for the future. Now, you tell me, what’s more powerful than that?

5. Compromise

Again, you probably thought I would say you should “remain stubborn and never give in!” or “fight back until the other side caves!” You might think that you are flexing your power when you insist on getting exactly what you want out of a situation and not ever ever bending to someone else’s will, but there are times when you would be wrong in that assumption. At a certain point, you may realize that the person at the other side of this power struggle is really holding you hostage instead of the other way around. It is because you insist on settling things only on your terms that you’re actually prolonging this power struggle instead of bringing it to a quick end. Prolonging the struggle is draining you of your power and it isn’t making your life or the other person’s life any better. So, if you still insist on ending things your way, and the other person has still not given in, then you might want to try a different strategy. Try to find out what the other person wants and maybe you can strike a deal that the both of you can agree on.  If both of you come out of the final compromise feeling half-happy and half-upset, then you did it right. Hey, it’s better than having you both feeling miserable and drained of power for an indefinite amount of time. Compromise helps you both move forward, instead of prolonging a long and exhausting stalemate.

4. Practice Empathy

You’ll find compromise much easier if you first learn to emphasize with the person you feel is draining you of your power. Empathy is very under-appreciated and misunderstood, but I personally believe it is the most powerful tool that humans have at their disposal. Empathy, used correctly, can literally save the world. Okay, so you know that person who is draining you of all your power? That evil, Gollum-type thing crawling around, following you, making your life a living nightmare? It’s time you stepped in to his or her shoes. Ask yourself what would have had to happened to you (yes you) to end up the way this person did. Did you imagine something incredibly awful, and near unimaginable? It is my strong belief that chances are, something as awful as you imagined probably did happen to that person. It could be as heartbreaking as this person had parents who abandoned him at a young age, or as simple as someone never taught him how to be considerate. Evil, unlike your sexuality or gender, is not a biological trait. It ain’t in your genes. Even if that person who is taking away your power is someone who is just incredibly annoying, remember that they are human, and ask yourself what would you want if you were them. Then give that to them. Generally, when you do, a shift starts to happen, and they became less of a monster out to get you, and more like a regular human being who suffers just like you do.  You are now confronting another human being, instead of a monster, and so you become less like a frightened child in their presence and more like their equal. Now that’s power.

3. Tell Your Truth

Nothing sucks away your power more than lies and secrets you want to tell, but feel you can’t. So find a good friend you can count on,and share that truth that you’ve been keeping to yourself. Your friend may surprise you, they may even share a similar experience (what a pleasant miracle that would be, right?) and you can start to feel relieved. That burden can be lifted, and there goes a big heap of stress you no longer have to deal with. I encourage you, even if you feel you can’t tell a friend or a family member, to tell a counselor. Counselors are experts at what they do and they are your number one supporter. For many of them, it is their calling, and they sincerely care about helping you improve your life. Don’t feel like you have to be crazy to go either, we all need help on how to understand our thoughts and our emotions. Once your truth is out, its hold on you is shattered, and you will immediately feel a sense of freedom and a renewed inner strength. The best thing is that you will never have to go through the process ever again. Whereas if you keep lying, the worries about someone finding out will only multiply and multiply, and you’ll find it hard to move forward. Of course, some secrets may not be appropriate to share with everyone, or you may not feel ready to share it with everyone, but it is important to share it with someone at least. Trust me, you’ll feel much better afterward.

2. Confront Your Greatest Fear

We all know that the best way to get over our fears is to confront them head on. Of course, this is easier said than done. But if you are tired of feeling like you have no power then it probably means it’s about time you get past those fears (or accept them) and confront that thing or person that scares you the most. It may be that it is in the presence of this person or thing that you feel the most weak, vulnerable, unsafe, unprotected and scared. This thing has had incredible power over you in the past, but now you must release its hold on you by staring it straight in the face and tell it everything you need to say. Tell it that you are no longer afraid, ask of it whatever you need, make your demands, call it whatever names you like.  Then, depending on what it is, you might want to order it to leave you alone. Once you are done, leave, and leave your sense of powerlessness behind you.

(A note about this: I guess this depends on what it is you are facing, but I would say make sure to talk it over with a counselor if it is especially terrifying, and make sure to establish a support system with family and friends. Make sure that you are absolutely ready to do it. Of course, I’m not encouraging that you face any fear that can cause you direct physical harm or can have other disastrous consequences. I’m mostly talking about facing irrational fears as opposed to rational ones. For instance, if you have a fear of heights you might stand near a ledge, but make sure the ledge has a rail for safety.)

1. Forgive

I don’t mean to get all Catholic on you, but hey, what do you know? If there is one thing the religion I grew up with was right about, it’s the power of forgiveness. Okay now, if you have confronted the person you fear the most (#2) and then told them everything you want to say (#3), you then must begin to put yourself into their shoes (#4).  Putting yourself into their shoes might help you reach a compromise with this person (#5) and begin the process of regaining your freedom. It is important that before you leave this person (or situation) that you make peace with the fact that you may never feel a sense of full and complete closure (#6). As we have said, that’s ok. You’ve done all that is within your power, and that is more than enough.

But the final move toward regaining a sense of personal power is to forgive. I have to be clear: to forgive is not to condone. To forgive is not to forget. To forgive is not even for the other person, although the other person directly benefits from the act. To forgive is all about you. To forgive is all about letting go and taking a step towards your personal freedom. You must forgive the person or persons who you feel have wronged you in the past. At this point, by you holding a grudge, they still have considerable power over you. You can let go of their power over you by finally letting go of that grudge. Let go of the anger. If you are holding on to the anger because you think it will make the other person suffer, you are mistaken. Holding on to your anger is doing nothing to the other person, but it is certainly making things worse for you. Remember that the anger is inside of you, not in them, and it is making your life miserable not theirs. So take the only action that is certain to make that anger fade away. Forgive. No need to push it. Wait until you are ready. Wait until you know it’s time. But don’t delay much longer after you have decided it’s the best thing to do. To forgive them is to regain your power and your life back–and there’s no better time start your life anew, then today.

much power to you,

Ollin

What do you to do regain a sense of power in your life?

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24 comments on “6 Ways to Regain A Sense Of Power

  1. unabridgedgirl says:

    I think the power of forgiveness is often underestimated. Great post, Ollin. I’ve missed you!🙂

    Mckenzie

  2. T.S. Bazelli says:

    I like these positive posts. They always make me smile, and we’ve all been there – powerless. The one on forgiveness was probably the most relevant bit of this post for me. I need to work on that.

    • Ollin says:

      We all need to work on that, lol. Took me close to almost um, let’s see, more than a decade to forgive! Yikes! So yeah, it’s not an over night thing. But there comes a time that you have to do it, you have to confront that worst fear, in order to move on.

  3. Love this post… thinking of printing it to paste on my mirror… worth reconsidering every morning. Thanks Ollin!

  4. typecraft says:

    Confront your greatest fear! Perfect. When I saw that, I thought, everyone should do that even me. Two things I’ve done to confront my fear:
    1) to combat my fear of heights, I ziplined in Costa Rica, even though my knees were shaking and told the guide to take me back to the ground — I still did it. And it was amazing.
    2) Afraid to write about the things that I’m not comfortable about. It turns into my best writing.

    • Ollin says:

      Wow, ziplining sounds like fun! So does Costa Rica!🙂 I’m glad you were able to confront those fears! More power to you!

  5. Truly inspiring Ollin!
    I love all of it, but especially the part about how you cannot control everything. You can’t, and life get’s easier when we accept that and work on how we react to the things that we can’t control.
    I’m glad you are feeling better.
    Oh, and thanks for reminding me to get back to my meditation routine. I’m putting it on my list for this evening. (So much more fun than laundry!)

    • Ollin says:

      Meditation is the starting point for everything. Awareness is the only place to begin. Because in being present, I think, we can find our truth, and it is only using that truth as a starting point that everything else can more easily fall into place.

      Woah, got pretty deep there. LOL. You bring it out of me Jenny! I’m excited for our guest posts, I’ll be sending you an email soon!🙂

  6. What an inspiration!

    I’d like to add one more (you do touch it in the end of point # 6):
    Practice gratitude. I’ve known gratitude is a higher form of vibration (if not the highest) and it immediately takes you in awesomeness mode.

    So yeah, that’s my two cents, and thanks for the lovely share, Ollin!

    -B🙂

    • Ollin says:

      Oh yes. Thanks for sharing! I forgot to add my usual open ended question at the end: “what do you do to regain a sense of power in your life?” I always love to add that because then I get to learn from all of you too. So thank you for reminding me, yes gratitude does give us a sense of the power we already have, but might not be aware of.🙂

  7. While I really like your ideas to conquer powerlessness, and I agree with most, I find it a little hard to forgive. Not that I have never forgiven anyone before; it’s just difficult😦

    • Ollin says:

      It’s the most difficult thing. And if you don’t want to forgive, you don’t have to. But boy, is it freeing when you do.🙂

  8. jannatwrites says:

    I especially like the forgiveness point – that is the most powerful thing we can do (and most often the most difficult). A grudge is a heavy burden to carry…

    • Ollin says:

      Yes it is the most difficult thing. That’s why it’s above confronting your own fear. Because confronting our fears is not as difficult as forgiving the most evil thing ever done to us.

  9. Hema P. says:

    I can’t stress enough how important it is to let go of things that are beyond your control. That is the only way to achieve a semblance of peace. Thanks for a great post, Ollin!

  10. Agatha82 says:

    I’m a control freak, so I know how hard it is when one doesn’t feel in control of things but yes, sometimes, you have to just let go of that because there’s nothing you can do, and it’s best to go with the flow.

    About empathy…I admit, that I’m very good at that, sticking pins in a vodoo doll is better mwah ha ha (only joking) – I try to forget/ignore about the person who’s annoying me, about all I can do. Forgiving…ah, to me, it depends on what I have to forgive and whether or not the person is worthy of being forgiven. Now, that sounds really dreadful, I know. I can let go of things, forget them and even forget the person who did those things, all without ever forgiving them. I was never a good Catholic😉
    About fears, I am petrified of flying, and never got over it, even after flying tons in a period of 2-3 years, where I must have been on at least 10 -15 flights. The fear, never left me. Just like I could never be left alone in a room full of spiders…EEK

    • Ollin says:

      I think forgiveness is good for when you really can’t get over what the person has done to you, but I guess if you can get over it, forgiveness might not be necessary in the end.

      I’m not sure if one gets over certain fears, what I am saying is that if you confront that fear, at least once, head on, you do regain a sense of power. I’m not saying you’ll ever reach a point of fearlessness, nor will you ever get to a point where you will always feel your power. I think we have moments of fear, moments of courage, moments of power, then moments of powerlessness, it’s all an ebb and flow.

      But yeah, spiders are gross.🙂

      • Agatha82 says:

        Those last lines: “I think we have moments of fear, moments of courage, moments of power, then moments of powerlessness, it’s all an ebb and flow” – Brilliantly said and written in such lovely way.

        Yep, spiders are gross (at least they’re good at catching yucky insects but they still make me run out of a room screaming lol)

  11. […] mentioned gratitude in the comments section when I was speaking about how to regain your sense of power the other day, and although I believe gratitude could help you feel more powerful, I personally use […]

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