So I went to order some new checks at my bank, and somehow I got tricked into answering a bunch of personal questions.
“Oh I see you went to Stanford… impressive.”
(3 years out of Chelsea Clinton’s Alma Mater and you’re not the next Mark Zuckerburg already? Hmm.)
“What was your major? Drama?”
(Oh you’re one of those actor types, eh. Dra-ma. No kidding.)
“Do you still make the same amount every year?”
(Or do you plead the Fifth?)
“What’s your current job..? Oh, so your making a difference?”
(Now you’re making me question whether I’m being selfish with what I’m doing with my life. I no longer like you.)
“I see you have a loan with us…”
(I love to see you squirm when I remind you of that. Remember: WE. OWN. YOU!)
“Did you know that you can save money by using the following new features?”
(I just saw your balance and I feel sorry for you. Here I got a 5 in my pocket. Take it. Buy yourself some Ice Cream.)
“You can set up your account to automatically pay your bills!”
(“Because I see that you are so EAGER to pay your bills–you just can’t wait another second!” They are paying me to say this. Can you tell?)
“You’ll get your new checks in 7-10 Business Days. Thank you Mr. Morales! Here’s my card, call me if you ever have any further inquires.”
(Call me when you make six-figures. You just wasted 15 minutes of my life. Thanks a lot.)
I shook hands with the guy and I left, feeling uber-depressed about my life.
But I didn’t stay that way.
Now here’s a sign of how much I have changed: a year ago I might have let this conversation eat away at me until I was frozen to inaction, but I had a good little talk with myself afterward. I asked myself:
“Well, what does this man know? He doesn’t know how difficult these past 3 years have been for me. He doesn’t know what I’ve had to struggle with, he doesn’t know how hard I have tried and what obstacles I have had to overcome. He doesn’t know me. If he did, he would be amazed at how far I have come.”
No, on the outside it may seem to some that I haven’t progressed much according to society’s fixed standards. But within me, the change has been monumental. It was during these three years that I discovered what my purpose was in life. (I’m a writer.) It was the time when I stopped caring what others thought I should do. (I changed acting from career choice to personal hobby.) It was a time when I faced the past (…) and came out with more clarity and more confidence in myself than ever. I’ve learned to create healthier relationships. I have learned to accept people as they are, and not try to constantly change them or “help” them. I learned to be more aware of the present and the world around me. I developed tools, I learned skills that have helped me find peace and well-being, that have helped me hum a little tune and change my perspective from negative to positive daily. I started this blog, kept it up, and have made some wonderful friends. (Life-long friends I hope.) I have kept my promise to myself–I kept writing my novel no matter what ever happened around me. (You have no idea how hard that was. Now that’s an accomplishment!)
Little by little I have taken ownership of my life. I have begun to take responsibility for the choices I have made and will make. This is my life and no one else’s. Only I get to judge it because only I have lived it, and luckily…
You see, Mr. Banker. You may think I haven’t done much according to your standards, but according to mine: I am a champion. I am a survivor. I have beaten the odds and I will continue to do so. Today I acknowledge my accomplishments.
I hope you, dear reader, will do the same. You deserve it.
“This is a true confession
of a man that lost his mind.
A real regression
when it’s you that you left behind,
but now I’m moving. Now I’m moving. Now I’m moving.”
much “now I’m moving, now I’m moving, now… I’m moving.”
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