A Love More Like Hate

Dear Novel,

I hate you. Why? Because you’re not working with me. You’re not communicating. You’re giving me only half of you.

You have no parameters. You’re all over the place, and I can’t live like this.

There are other novels I could have married you know. Plenty of them, that are probably just as good, if not better that you. That’s right. I said it!  BETTER! Tons of them! There’s one novel in particular that works really well for me, when I write it, it comes out so smooth and brilliant, but I stopped seeing it, because…

I thought I loved you more. I thought we would were going to have a long and fruitful life together. I thought you showed me who I really was inside. Who I really wanted to be.

But now, I’m afraid, we’ve passed the honeymoon stage. Novel, when I married you I didn’t think you had all these random quirks. This tendency to drip ideas casually and randomly, while I’m here open-mouthed with an open bag trying frantically to catch it all as it comes, like an idiot.

It pisses me off that you will spend days not speaking to me. I hate it. Stop doing it, we’re not gonna get anything done with the silent treatment. (What is your issue? I mean, seriously!)

I’m afraid my friends, family and the people who read my blog are starting to notice our relationship isn’t so perfect.

We’ll screw it!  I’m tired of pretending. I’m telling everybody!  Sometimes I hate you. You get on my freakin’ nerves!  This is supposed to be a team effort, Novel.  You and me together. What happened to all that? We were gonna sacrifice together. I trusted you, and you’re not doing your part.

I’m not buying your complaints that I’m too demanding or too overbearing. I live my own life independent of you, and you know it. I’m giving you the time we agreed upon, so tell me, what’s wrong?  I’m too nit-picky? You knew that’s how I was when you married me, so come on! I can’t be perfect! I’m impatient? Oh, you know what? You’re just making stuff up now. All I have is patience! What more can I give? You’re crazy! You’re a lunatic, and I can’t believe I ever married you.

This isn’t looking good. I’m writing to tell you that for the first time I’m doubting this. I’m not sure if I can put up with it.  You’re the demanding one, you’re the high maintenance one, you got some serious narcissistic tendencies. There’s two in this relationship you know, and it’s not all about you.

All I have to say is that if you really want this relationship to work, you’re gonna have to show up. I used to be here whenever you needed me to be, but those days are over. I’m setting a bottom line:  when I sit down to write, I expect you to be there. When I’m not at my desk, don’t bug me, I need my space. This is how this is going to work from now on.

Hey, that’s the only way I’m gonna keep my sanity.

Talent’s like a wild horse I guess, and until you can tame it, it’ll drive you crazy.

So now you know the new deal, Novel. Take me or leave me. There’s only two ways to go. Your move.

Sincerely,

Your author

Ollin

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14 comments on “A Love More Like Hate

  1. NO! NO! NO!…I hate it when divorce is so in the air! OMG! Is novel seeing someone?

    All novels are irritable with their authors, I guess because they’re too impatient to make it to the shelves. So write, write, and write, and edit, edit, and edit, and then send her off to the shelves. My guess is, the fine-tuning bit is easier than the writing bit.

  2. Lua says:

    Ollin, I’ve never read a better piece of writing that mirrored my feelings towards my first novel like your letter!🙂 I loved it and I have to say, I’ve written half of my novel now and we’re having our bad days too. Sometimes it gets really messy, there are harsh words exchanged but I’m not as courageous as you are, I can never tell it to ‘take me or leave me’ out loud, I usually get on my knees and beg for it to stay…
    It is a life consuming, nerve-racking relationship full of fear, doubt and love… What the hell were we thinking anyway?🙂

  3. ollinmorales says:

    Lua,

    Thank you! No, I’m afraid I don’t know what the hell we were thinking, haha. There must be something wrong with us when we go through such agony and still keep going. I guess it is the love for it. ah well.

  4. ollinmorales says:

    Thanks Aspiring Novelist!

  5. Barb says:

    Dear Author,
    i think you’re over-dramatic. The Muses come and go – have you tried courting THEM?
    Just listen to the story I tell you, pour it all out as it comes and then we can work together to make it perfect. After all writing is “mostly” rewriting…
    your faithful and loving Novel
    by the means of a self-taught, workaholic, unpublished professional writer :-X

  6. Hema P. says:

    I’m in the process of revising my first manuscript *again* (emphasis on the word) — I so totally hear you! I ranted about “Revisions Unlimited” myself, in my blog🙂.

  7. […] his thoughts about life and its many challenges, and ever so often he threatens his novel with divorce. Visit him at https://ollinmorales.wordpress.com. Leave a […]

  8. […] Or allow myself to shine? I’ve spent a lot of time on this blog talking about how sometimes I hate my novel, how sometimes writing can be boring. I’ve had moments of apathy and moments where I wanted to […]

  9. Laureli Illoura says:

    So glad to have stumbled upon your site, Ollin. Your novel letter made me laugh, while inside I was crying. There’s an exquisite painful ecstacy involved with the whole process.
    You know what I’m talking about.

    Love your blog. It’s refreshing. (I can only take so much humor though, like Country Western songs- a little goes a long way).
    I will visit often, as I find something to take away with me, that touches me in some way, each time.

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