“If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy–it can’t survive.”
- Brene Brown
A while back I shared Brene Brown’s excellent TED Talk on vulnerability with you.
I thought her follow up TED Talk on shame was just as important, if not more so, than her first.
As always, the talk speaks for itself.
much empathy,
Ollin
Sometimes I feel shameful because I am overwhelmed AND still not where I want to be. Other times I am ashamed because while I manage to make ends meet, and am making slow but steady progress in my writing career, sometimes it’s not enough, I want more, and I want it now, which seems ungrateful when so many others have it worse from my point of view…
Thanks for being so open and honest, Chris. I actually don’t think you are alone. How bout it readers? Do others feel “ashamed” because they are not earning as much, or are not achieving as much as they would like to?
Shame is one of the toughest blocks for me. Its repetitive nature seems to thwart my greatest efforts while undermining my aspirations, hopes, or drive to achieve. I read a meditation on shame the other day. It said shame is very different from guilt in that feeling guilt allows for the perspective and growth, “empathy”.
I could wax intellectual and get wrapped in the semantics of this I’m not sure the difference is apparent always especially in the middle of a mood.
Shame for me is connected to an instinct. “Run!”, “Get OUtta Here!”, or “Look at what you did!” The instinct is fear. And if can see fear as fear then I have the chance to stand and rewrite experiences my memory has filed as “shameful” or “BAD”.
In the middle of the mood I can’t analyze too much. I think this has its place afterward, but while I’m weathering the storm the best I can often do is stick to being present and available to reality as deeply as possible. My breath is the metronome to my soul, I think, and offer me the chance to live in the facts without the dreaded judgement of myself, the day, my parents, childhood bullies, or my chances of being a successful working artist.
I do a lot of endurance sport. I’ll usually reach a point in training or an event where my mind is telling me I’m nuts, turn around, you’re going to kill us or some such thing.
I know this is where I can learn something about myself, triumph to redefine some of that old footage of myself as a failure. But I have to be willing to face the discomfort and continue in spite of myself.
The point isn’t to kill myself in the process of attaining victory rather that being in the process is the victory very often, for me.
“My breath is the metronome to my soul”
Wow, that was so beautiful. Really. Well, at least you shouldn’t feel ashamed for not for creating some really insightful metaphors! Because you nailed that one.
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Hi Ollin,
I love listening to what Brene Brown has to say. It is such a relevant topic for me at this point in my life. Shame stops people in their tracks, while they pursue bad habits to ease their pain. At times, shame can hold me back with my writing. There is that judgement moment, when you are ready to publish. Is this good enough? It is important to take a look and acknowledge when shame is holding us back. Thanks for sharing another great video.
You’re welcome, cate!
Sometimes. I often wonder at times if I make a difference. Is God using my words, and then I sigh and realize it’s shame talking. Time to turn it off.
Great point, Nikole. I think God or the universe whatever you choose to call it is alwasy a loving supportive presence. More confident in us than we are in ourselves!
Great post on vulnerability and shame – it is so true that creativity and innovation flourishes with vulnerability. I appreciate you sharing this. I’m going to put a link to this blog post on my Facebook account.