Still on Chapter 7. I know what you’re wondering: “Are you blocked?”
No, actually I’m not. I know I can push through this particular Chapter and plow ahead, but there is something that I need to get out in this Chapter and refine before I can move forward and be okay with it.
What that is, though, I don’t know. It’s missing something, a piece of the puzzle. I’ve been solving it little by little, but it’s an incredibly excruciating and slow process. I’ve reached a Dead End. It’s like I reached a Blank Sign that is supposed to tell me which way to go from here, but the words have faded away from the surface.
I would go to a different Ch. but the thing is, nothing is telling me to do that. I’m just being asked to say here, wait a while I guess, until it comes. Until the light hits just right, and I can finally read what is on the Blank Sign, and know where I am to go from here.
Is it coincidence that my life seems it has landed at a similar juncture? I think not.
A Dead End. Nothing telling me to make a drastic move forward, skip a step–no, I’m just being asked to stay. Wait it out. Just a Blank Sign ahead. Nothing to tell me where to go next. I keep on trying to decipher the writing on the wall, but I have no legend, nothing to give me a clue as to what it all means.
Staring at a brick wall with faded graffiti. I’m anxious. Uncertain. Restless. Exhausted.
Tired of trying to figure it all out, of trying to find a way. Is pushing the right answer? How about pulling? Tugging? Maybe, letting it stay?
I sit down, wrap my arms around my knees, stare up at the wall, wondering what’s on the other side of my story–what’s on the other side of me.
I trace the mysterious writing with my finger, I try to mouth it, make it make sense. It doesn’t. I wait. I sit. Trying to find the answer. Nothing comes.
I rest at the Dead End. I stare at The Blank Sign. Realizing: this is just part of the process.
Sometimes, you just have to wait.